Yet another day goes by.

Hi all

Its been a difficult day here today, Jas and I seem to be on a bumpy road at the moment, much of it is I guess my fault because I have been depressed, but also it is not helped by the fact Jason wont talk to me about losing our baby.
He simply says "its happened, lets just move on", its much like he lost a favourite calf and nothing more. So as a consequence we have had a day of quarrels, nothing too serious but the energy is building and I am worried.

Bear is here for the night and he and Jas have gone for a walk, they have been gone over 2 hours and now its dark, so it must be some walk; but I am hoping bear can talk to Jason. Its not all Jason's fault, I know I have been depressed but I really think I am working through that, its just that I am the sort of person that needs to talk things through; and if I cant do this with my husband who can I do it with.

I have talked with Jason's Gran about somethings and she has been lovely, but I have to be careful there because she is Jason's Gran and I don't want anything to spoil the great relationship they have. Michele and Paula have been awesome and its through those two ladies I am making my way through this really dark cloud I seemed to have dragged around with me, but I really want Jas and I to sit down and talk our feelings through.

Bear says Jason is not a touchy feely person, that because of his past he has had to put a lid on a lot of emotions, but that doesn't really work when you are in a relationship and have lost a baby.

On a new tangent the girls have told me I need a new baby, boy that went down well over dinner, they want all the baby stuff back and that will make me and them happier.

Kurt came over this afternoon bleeding like a stuck pig, he had a chain saw accident when a piece of wood splintered and dug into his leg. We  cleaned him up and he has gone home. I do like Kurt a lot, he is a lovely man and very approachable.  His daughters family over in Darfield are great, in fact their children are coming to stay with us this weekend, my lot love having other children stay over; lucky old me.

I finally found bears wargame blog, I never truly knew what war-gaming was, I have seen and painted some of his little lead men once but that was the extent of my knowledge; but this afternoon I stumbled on to his and other war-gaming blogs and its quite weird :-).
I always remember my Pop having a model train set, and I mean it was huge it took up our double garage, he loved it and spent hours out there on summer nights and on weekends, but when mum died he just sold it all off. I think I thought of war-gaming like that, men playing with toy soldiers, but Bear assures me its not. The odd thing was it seemed alright for a grown man to "play" with trains yet I shake my head in confusion when I think of bear bent over a table with toy soldiers or whatever.


Well I can hear voices, so I best go.

Love to you all.