Yesterday was a horrible day, I hardly seemed to be not crying. The hole that Pops passing will leave is huge, he was much more than just my father, he was my best friend and for a long time he was the one person in this world I knew I could count on for sure.
Through all the chaos of my separation, through the earthquakes Pop was always there at an instant, as bear said in the Eulogy, "What a man".
Now the funeral has passed I feel empty, almost numb. The girls are being very brave, but I don't think I am helping by being an emotional wreck, it is something I am dealing with, though I know it takes time.
Jason has been there for the girls and I at anytime of the day or night, I am so grateful that I met him; he is a strong man but one who is not afraid to drop his guard, whats more he doesn't mind an emotional fiancee.
Jason and I have tried to talk Sandy into moving in here with us, it makes so much sense, for her financially and company, for us she looks after the house and the girls extremely well. In fact since pop passed away on Tuesday Sandy seems to have lived in the kitchen making endless cups of tea and coffee along with meals and baking, an awesome person when the cards are down.
However she is adamant she wants to return to her house in Christchurch, all I can say is she will be sorely missed by all of us, but I am determined we will keep in touch and we will try to drag her out here as often as she allows.
Bear has been a mountain of strength for me, I am worried I have already passed my tendency for leaning on Pop to that of leaning on Bear, but he doesn't mind, well he says he doesn't. He has had everything organised in regards to funerals and lawyers, but more importantly last night he showed more of his spiritual abilities by allowing me to talk to my deceased mother, who says Pop passed over very quietly and is there safe and sound. He is unable to talk just yet as it is too soon since his passing over and his soul energies need to adjust to new environment. Why on earth Bear doesn't allow other people to see and share in his abilities I have no idea, he does not regard himself as a psychic, in fact he says he hates that terminology. He says its more of a case of seeing doors to other energies and knowing how to bring spiritual energies through.
Last night was my first time that I have seen or experienced anything like that, the information was detailed and 100% accurate and there is no way bear could fabricate or guess some of the experiences mum and I talked about, it was awesome.
I know I am going to miss Bear hugely when he goes overseas, the only good news is he says he wont be away too long as he needs to be here for the end of the year, so that is good news. But loosing Pop and then having Bear go away will leave a big hole in my wee world.
The gardens next door are progressing very well, the gang have been very supportive this week in helping me organise the outside events, I am very grateful to them, but I sure wish they would get their website up and going.
Well that's enough waffle, thank you to all the emails, I very much do appreciate them and I will reply to them all, starting today.
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