Thursday, and I am not feeling happy.

Well another cool morning.

I cannot believe it is Thursday again, the days are just racing by way too fast. Yesterday was really just a blur, not a particularly good one.

Bear and I had our first argument, it was really over nothing to serious just about where we want to be and the directions our lives should take.

Now that he has a new business with the nursery Bear wants to live out at Oxford, I dont see that is good for the girls schooling and would prefer to stay in town. I have a secure job here, one that I enjoy doing; which means I am not dependent on someone else for money.

I understand why Bear needs to be near the nursery but I don’t understand why he has to live there full time.

I am worried about a number of aspects about moving away from Christchurch, as I said the girls schooling, leaving Pop alone, job security and my financial independence, all these go by the way if I live into a new town where we have to live off a new and possibly struggling business.

I had suggested to Bear we live in town during the week and stay at Oxford over the weekend and he could travel out to and from Oxford everyday like he used too, it is after all only 50 miles each way. It seems to me that way we have the best of both worlds, but Bear doesn’t want that, he wants to be on site so he can develop the nursery and he says he needs to be there in case emergencies occur, ie weather, burglaries etc etc.

I am wondering if it goes deeper than that, and that was what the argument really centred on.

I know it wasn’t about Jason because if it was, he wouldn’t be arguing that I should go out there. I am wondering if he is just not truly settled with us, I understand he has a huge independence streak within him, and I know and appreciate he has tried hugely to settle into our family; but sometimes all the wishing in the world cannot hide one’s own natural energies.

Last night was the first time we went to sleep and not made love, it felt awful and tense.

This morning however he was extremely loving, made breakfast and is getting the girls ready for school, he going to take Pop and Pops lady friend out shopping this morning, then this afternoon he is off to the nursery for a few hours.

To me it feels like last night’s argument never happened or it was a nothing thing that I developed into something.

We have just had a talk about last night and for now we have agreed in the status quo, that is we live here in town and he travels in and out each day, we will see how that works out; but I know he is not happy with the decision.

He is worried his car will not last the mielage, so I have suggested he use mine, he usually only uses his car on the weekend anyway; and most of the time its left at Pops lady friend because we dont have room here for two cars.

I am confused and worried that I may be unreasonable, I don’t think so but then what do I know.

Aaaargh relationships.

Well I best go have my breakfast, will write more later.