Wednesday and not so confused.

A very high cloudy overcast day today.

Had a very interesting chat with my Mr Bear last night about my confused state over Jason, fortunately Bear is a very good listener and in the most part I managed to talk some sense into myself, never an easy task. That and a good night sleep has helped me clear the air.

I think Jason is like the forbidden fruit I can’t have, and therefore being the way I am hugely curious so naturally I want to try it.

But over night I have had to decide where I am at in my relationships, and that means am I happy with what I have and would I risk all that on a whim. The answer is obviously I am not risking anything on a whim. For a start Jason made no suggestion of interest other than a goodbye peck on the cheek, I know I read more into that than I should have. In the conversations we had yesterday there was no suggestion of mutual interest or feelings, just a lovely friendly chat, again my silly curiosity was reading more into that than actually existed.

When I looked at my Bear asleep on the chair in front of the TV and I pondered that young man out in the country there were two worlds widely apart. I know I could tempt Jason, I recognise that energy, but it would be so wrong of me to do so.

I have a man who is like a rock for me, he cares for me (not totally sure if its love yet, he says the words but he is so protective of his feelings) and the children love him as well. Financially he is a risk because he is just building his business and has no income yet, but in all other matters he is hugely supportive of my girls and I.

Jason apart from the exuberance of his youth and his sexual energy has an established farm and possibly offers more financially but less in the supportive role, I see I would be to Jason what Bear is to me, and I am not sure I can do that. That is likely selfish of me but I know myself better than most I think, and I like to be the one who can lean on someone, not be leant on.

So I have made the decision that Jason is not for me and I will not allow that accursed curiosity of mine to override my good sense.

Last night while I talked to Bear not once did I see him get angry at me, If I had spoken to my ex like that he would have either smacked me or taken too Jason out of jealousy or possessive anger. Bear simply said to me to be sure I know the difference of two energies that may exist within me sexual curiosity and a general desire to be with someone else which means  unhappiness with what I have, and that was my thinking all night.

Yes a big part of me is sexually attracted to Jason, but my heart and head belong to Mr Bear.

So that was my weird night and now I have sorted that little dilemma I can move on now.

Sadly Mr Bear is not to good this morning, so I fear it maybe a trip to the doc, he is almost doubled over with back pain, I hate seeing him like this.

At the moment he is having a long soak in a very hot bath, he thinks with all the lifting he did yesterday he may have pulled some back muscles. As he said there will be more of this to come because he has gotten out of condition. And needs to toughen up.

Pops lady friend is home from Hospital and doing quite well, Bear wants to go around later today and see her, which is good because it gives me peace and quiet to do my work.

I see my blog has new follower Hortense, what a beautiful name. Welcome Hortense and please feel free to comment on my daily ramblings.

My love to you all.