what a day

Well it has been an interesting day that is for sure.

My Ex arrived this afternoon and instead of ringing as agreed he simply turned up. Bear was here so we had the possibility of the standoff but I am very proud of my Bear he handled it with the maturity that I should have expected. He made the ex welcome and even did the coffee thing then left us alone in what was a hugely tense situation.

The ex was surprised to find him there despite me telling him that I had a man staying, but he did remark on the fact that Bear was sleeping in a separate room.

I guess I was really defensive about having him here and as usual he just bulldozes ahead with his plans and totally disregards the wishes of others. The really annoying thing was not once has he apologised for the beatings he gave me and the verbal abuse he heaped on the girls, he just assumes because we haven’t mentioned it, it’s all forgotten or forgiven.

He wants to take the girls out tomorrow and I found I was struggling to deal with that. Carla told him she didn’t want to go anywhere tomorrow because we were building a henhouse and Bear then very quickly suggested the Ex come around and help him and the girls and build the henhouse. The Ex wasn’t keen on that as he came to see the family not work around the house.

I have decided to let the girls go, despite their protests but he is to have them back early as I am planning a special dinner tomorrow where I am going to propose to Bear, not marriage but that he moves in full time with all that entails. The girls are excited about it and we had even planned a special cake (like a wedding cake mummy) but that may go on hold. Too much excitement for poor ole Bear and he will be neither use nor ornament and I have uses for him.

So now the girls are going to be away for most of the day, I want Bear out of the house so I can make some special arrangements as a surprise and a way of saying thank you for all the things he has done for the girls and I.

The Ex I think was very put out he couldn’t stay, even more so that he couldn’t have the children for the weekend but as I said to him he needs to build the trust between them and him, just not assume it’s there because he is their father. He did all he could to destroy that trust and love they had for him, and it will take a long time to recreate, if ever.

He left because he was meeting some friends at the club, so that says it all as far as I am concerned. He claims he wanted the girls for the weekend yet he had already before coming here made arrangements to meet the “boys” at the club.

I suspect the girls would have been shunted of the children’s area and then a drunken Ex would have driven them back to where he was staying.

I put all of that on stop and told him while has the girls he is not drinking, if he does the girls will ring me and we will go and pick them up.

I am torn about this as my head says I should give him a chance to start rebuilding trust, but my heart is terrified he will hurt them in some way, not physically but by the things he says.

Bear says I need to give him a chance but we will keep him on a short leash until I know I can trust him.